Give her one of those rings you can get at the 50 cent vending machines, she won’t even be able to tell.

I agree. Fake engagement rings have very little to do with the act you are about to undertake. Forget about the ring. Fake shouldn’t even be a word that is used within the context of marriage.

I have sworn off diamonds forever. To think that in America we are not sold blood diamonds is a ridiculous dream. Even if the diamond was not mined by an enslaved culture, the diamonds are extremely overpriced. Aside from the wars fought for and funded by diamonds, the mining is bad for the environment and served to economically benefit only the very very rich. Those points aside, your financial future as a couple is more important than a ring.

I first found moissanite over a year ago and fell in love with it as a superior stone. More brilliance, higher heat tolerance, and the fact that it is not a natural resource (cough like oil!) were all reason I like it as well as the price. At first it was my boyfriend who needed convincing. But he finally came around after some research of his own.

When my husband talked about getting married a few years ago, he was honest and said he could not afford much of a ring. I told him I couldn’t see putting much money into a ring when we would need cash to start out….and that I had inherited a beautiful art deco diamond ring from a great aunt a few years before. I wasn’t wearing it because it needed to be sized and re-tipped.

$100 worth of repairs and I had an engagement ring that you’d only see at a fine estate auction!

When we got married, the ring went away, although it does come out for special occasions. My plain little gold band that I wear every day belonged to his beloved grandmother who passed when he was a little boy. I feel privileged to own it.

Why not show off a family treasure and make something old new again?

BE HONEST ABOVE ALL THINGS. THIS IS WHAT WE\DID. TOGETHER WE BOUGHT A 1 CT FAKE, IT’S BEAUTIFUL. WE REPLACED IT AT A LATER
TIME WHEN WE SAVED ENOUGH MONEY UP FOR THE REAL THING. NOBODY NOTICED AND IT’S OUR SECRET. RINGS ARE SYMBOLS THAT YOU’RE A MARRIED COUPLE. NOT EVERYONE CAN WALK AROUND WITH THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN THEIR POCKETS.

Dude, no one will know … an just never marry her.

tes,

The Kimberly Certification process is one of those things that are great in theory, but not in practice. Because of a lack of enforcement and the ability of suppliers to smuggle diamonds, the process ends up with approximately 15 percent of diamonds funding genocide. Think about it. Expect 15 percent of your purchase to fund killings in Darfur. Enough to make me want to buy something else as the symbol of my lifelong commitment.

When I do get engaged, I have no problem with giving her a very nice ring. I have no desire whatsoever to buy her a diamond. I would buy her another ring in a different stone at the same price before I buy her a diamond.

I find the “three months salary” for a common piece of carbon controlled by a cartel to be an offensive slap in the face to the working man. I wouldn’t be able to look at that thing on my woman’s hand and not have exceptionally hard feelings about what the DeBeers family has done. Could be that I’m Irish and hate British Colonialism.

Yadgyu,

Have you ever considered that if you are with a girl who cares about her bling more than she cares about you, then you’re with the wrong girl. Besides, the debt that goes into the ring becomes hers, too.

In order to survive in this country you have no choice about investing in your education, unless you find saying “Do you want fries with that?” to be a fulfilling job.

Cars and a home are things we need to survive, and things a married couple NEED. It is hard enough to get ahead in this country to get the things you really do need without adding a huge ring debt to the mountain that’s there.

If a sapphire ring was good enough for Princess Diana, a ruby for princess Sarah, and an emerald for Jackie Kennedy, who are you to call these stones inferior? These are stones which all have their symbolism, and all have places in an engagement ring. I consider all three of these stones in excellent quality to be superior stones to diamond, and each has a symbolism that is every bit as appropriate and more than diamond for an engagement ring.

The idea that a “real man” steps up and buys a huge ring he cannot afford is ridiculous. It shows that you are completely emasculated to think that way.

Now, if someone who has a pile of money is too cheap to get a decent ring, then the priorities are a little off. But I don’t know many independently wealthy people who can really afford a huge amount of bling early in their marriage.

A good woman will stay with you through thick and thin because you will do anything and everything to protect her physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. She’ll be with you because you make her a priority. But the time you spend with her instead of working 60 hours a week means far more than any diamond ever will.

A real man will be honest about his financial situation. A wimp goes into debt to buy a worthless piece of carbon out of insecurity and fear that your woman will not love you unless you do.

Perhaps the best engagement rings of all time are the Irish engagement rings. There are two notable styles- one is the claddagh, where the hands holding the heart symbolize friendship, the heart symbolizes love, and the crown on the head symbolizes fidelity. The Celtic love knot is made from one unbroken strand forming a complete circle symbolizing unity and infinity. Without costing anything near what a diamond costs, you have said something far more romantic and powerful than a piece of carbon ever could.

Finally, you have no concept of what Lou Dobbs is talking about when he says the words “war on the middle class.” Maybe you should watch and find out.

I personally don’t see how a good, honest, sincere woman will ever stay with you. Your priorities are completely backward. I wish you the best in getting them straightened out.

But to the original poster, be honest about everything with her, and talk with her about what you want to do. I’d get her an Irish ring, a sapphire, emerald, or ruby, but I would not get a CZ and pass it off as something it isn’t.

For the person who mentioned blood diamonds, this isn’t Leonardo DiCaprio’s real life drama or Africa for that matter. Unlike other countries, ours has strict policies against buying diamonds that are gained by killing other people, and most main stream jewelry stores follow strict policies about not carrying blood diamonds. In the event they did, they could be shut down. DUH!!!!!!

When I got engaged I was given a CZ, and told it was real. I was embarassed when I went to appraise it, and I have grown to loathe my new fiance for this. Needless to say, we planned our $100k wedding when I thought my ring was real, it’s New Years Day & I just called the wedding off! I knew a few months ago that the diamond was false and thought I could accept it, but I grew to hate the jerk, and became repulsed by him.

Don’t lie.

Yadgyu, As a young male who has recently become a homeowner with my girlfriend of 7 years, who is also looking towards marriage, I cannot believe the “advice” you are giving here. I do not hate the rich and I have been pretty successful in my field, but I have not started making the money I will in the future.

Is your advice to mortgage our house and then mortgage our future in order to by her a piece of jewelery so she can compare it with her friends. Let me tell you what a real man is. Someone who pays their bills and excels in work, and in their life. Someone whose loved ones love them for the content of their character and not the property they can accumulate for those loved ones.

I only read this article because Laura had brought up the idea of purchasing a fake diamond until we get more comfortable financially and my business grows, reading some of these comments makes me sad for people.

Maybe we should have gotten a one bedroom apt in a bad neighborhood and gotten an expensive ring instead of somewhere we could raise children in.

Buying a sparkly rock for thousands of dollars is a complete waste of money. It’s no wonder that we are a nation of debtors, because women require (not request) that a poor chap shell out several thousand dollars on items inherently worthless. Remember that the diamond engagement ring only started around the 1920s.

I received a CZ ring for my engagement (albeit I was aware of it and even helped fiancee pick it out)and was surprised when, a year and a half later, a WHOLE CORNER fell right off of the stone (I guess I must have knocked it against something, although I wasn’t aware I had). The thing about a cz is that while you can pay a lot of money for a nicely cut one in a gorgeous setting, it’s still a cz. On the Moh’s scale a cz falls somewhere around the range of topaz in hardness–meaning it’s not meant to be worn everyday. I felt terrible destroying my cz–even knowing it was one. Can you imagine the tears you might induce if your wife thinks she’s destroyed a DIAMOND?

Did anyone actually weight the price of a diamond versus the price of a new home? A decent diamond ring is a couple of thousand dollars. A new house, on the other hand, in my area costs several hundreds of thousands of dollars. If you can afford a house but not the ring, there’s something seriously wrong in how you’re going about each purchase.

Are you building a McMansion for her? There’s no way anyone needs that much space in which to live. My advice to you is don’t even think about lying to her–if you’re considering it, you’re going to have a bad marriage. Talk to her, ask her if she’ll consider a smaller but real stone (hey, diamonds are an investment too!), build a smaller house, and put the rest of that money into a retirement fund for the two of you. In my opinion, that’s the ultimate sign of love–doing something that shows you’ll be together until death literally do you part.

If you buy a much smaller “affordable diamond, almost all jewelers will give full credit to upgrade to a larger stone. Then you start off with a real diamond and can upgrade whenever you are ready.

I gave my wife Danielle of two years a fake ring, she never knew the difference. As long as you are willing to stick with the lie for the rest of your life, you should be fine. I know I would rather lie than shell out a lot of money on a piece of jewelery.

Make her buy her own ring. Women have been liberated, the whole diamond ring thing is very outdated.

Oh No! Don’t lie! Lies are traps, and the truth always comes out. If the setting breaks and the stone has to be re-set, she will take it to a jeweler and it will be DESTROYED because simulants can’t withstand heat. Imagine your fiancee’s utter humiliation when she goes to the jeweler to retrieve her ring, only to be told the stone was fake! That said, what you should do is discuss your plan with her. I think it’s commendable and intelligent to want to invest in a house which is a true investment and will APPRECIATE in value, than to buy jewelry you can’t afford which will DEPRECIATE in value. The best thing to do is to tell her you have purchased a HIGH QUALITY SIMULANT (such as Asha. Those are beautiful!) give your future wife a TIME FRAME by which she will have her real diamond (if she even wants one) and STICK TO THAT TIME FRAME.

My husband gave me a lovely engagement ring which was made of REAL 950 Platinum, and which had REAL diamond baguettes to the sides of the center stone, which just happened to be an Asha. 18 months after our wedding, he replaced the Asha with a genuine diamond of the same cut. Nobody knew the difference except the two of us. The Asha was, in fact, such a lovely stone that I actually had it re-set into a pendant which I wear often. It looks quite real. It even fooled a jeweler’s loupe. The jeweler was surprised when I said it was a fake.

The only difference between us, and all of our friends is that because we kept our wedding costs and our engagement jewelry costs down, we moved into our own, beautiful fairly large home in a VERY nice part of town and have both purchased new cars this year. Our friends who decided to get into debt over a party and some jewelry…well, most of them are still renting and driving the same old tired cars they were driving before they married. One couple has even moved in with the husband’s parents to save for a house. The strain of lving with in-laws is tearing this couple apart and destroying their marriage, but oh well, what can I say? They had a $45,000 wedding and she had a $7,000 engagement ring. I wonder who’ll get it in the divorce they’re hurtling towards? Remember–money trouble is THE #1 reason for divorce. Starting off your marriage in debt is one big strike against you both….

Dude, if you buy her fake bling it could so backfire! What if she got it appraised for insurance and found out that way? Your matrimonial plans would end up in smoke. Remember, women hate to be lied to, and a lie about something as big as an engagement ring in her life, that she is going to show to all her friends and family would be the end of you….tell her the truth, or get her an empty box with a note in it that says “I’m waiting a couple of months to afford the diamond you deserve, rather than a chip I can afford.” Trust me, she will wait.

Gives them a chance to choose a really nice ring that they want, that fits, and doesn’t spoil the suprise though, no ? “Fake” doesn’t have to mean permanent. Take a look at http://www.stuntrings.co.uk

Question for Bud Jet, Washington, DC…and others. How long did you wait to see if your almost fiance would come back to you? How long did it take to meet/date/marry your wife? I have a male friend in the same situation, and I like him. He still has the ring hoping she’ll come back, but she’s dated and broken up with someone else already, and he’s not dating anyone, and they’ve talked since, so if she hasn’t come back now, she likely won’t. Why can’t he see that after three months of being broken up that he needs to move on. He says he still loves her, did you still love your almost fiance after she broke up with you? I am okay with that, but still move on, right? He likes me but says he’s not ready to date yet. I really want to get to know him, but want to do it through dating him, not through being his friend. Last night he gave me a time frame. He said lets be just friends until the end of the month, then we’ll see where we are and how we feel. Is that cool? Is that reasonable? if i like him as much as i think i do, i should be able to wait. But i don’t want to get hurt. And I should understand him waiting since i am waiting.

You should not use a fake ring because a diamond is real and so should a marriage be. I’d rather have a really small real ring, than a large fake ring.

Why do you people say ‘buy the house instead of the ring’?

How much is a diamond ring? A lot cheaper than a house. The house he is building will cost about $200,000. A nice diamond ring will cost $2,000. If he can afford a mortgage, he can afford a diamong ring. Think, people. A diamond ring will not bankrupt this guy. If it does, he certainly cannot afford to build a house.

A “real man”, one worth marrying, is honest, patient, attentive, generous of heart, courageous, imaginative and understanding (kind of like that passage in Ecclesiastes about love, huh?). I don’t see “diamond” listed anywhere in those attributes.

I agree with most of the posters who think that it’s important to discuss this with Stacy. She might be one of those women who doesn’t much like diamonds, and doesn’t want to take on the debt of a ring you couldn’t really afford. Or she might want the diamond.

Wanting the diamond wouldn’t make Stacy a bad person–it probably would mean that she likes diamonds (I do, but I buy them for myself and don’t depend on anyone else to pay the bill), and that she is strongly influenced by societal pressures (there is something good to be said about NOT being a maverick–life is generally easier for conformists).

Regardless of whether Stacy wants a diamond, another stone, a faux diamond, or no ring at all, you two can learn a lot about each other in the course of the discussion.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

Those other stones are inferior because they are not valued by mainstream society. Stones other than diamonds are used as complementary pieces, with the diamond being the main stone. When DeBeers starts advertising amethyst, rubies, emeralds, sapphires, and other stones as being superior to diamonds, then those stones will become better.

Most people that have diamonds go big on carat but poor on cut, clarity, and color. This still does not take away from the fact that a diamond is a superior stone. Most people could get an inferior stone for cheaper. But it isn’t about going for what is the cheapest. It is about fulfilling a dream of owning something of value and elegance. It is about a man being true to himself and to his wife-to-be. It is about being courageous and sacrificing a little to make a woman happy.

This guy can take $2,000 from the house fund and use it to purchase a nice ring. I am not saying that he should go without a roof, a toilet, a sink, a machine machine and dryer, or any essential items. He can hold off on the swimming pool, the big screen TV, the leather living room set, the convection oven, the granite countertop, the sauna, or something else that could be put in the house for now.

My choices are not the only choices, but they are the BEST choices.

You can’t show off your house to people on the street. But you can definitely show off that diamond.

It seems that people are confusing synthetic diamonds with diamond simulants, like cubic zirconia. Wikipedia has a nice write up of the two:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synthetic_diamond
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cubic_zirconia

Synthetic diamonds, not diamond simulants, have the same chemical make up as mined diamonds. The only difference is that the process for synthetic diamonds happens in a machine, not the earth. Synthetic diamonds also are not controlled by a cartel that artificially keeps the price high for their own selfish purposes. Go synthetic, and tell her.

I see nothing wrong with a “fake” ring as long as she knows about it. To be perfectly honest it should be what the ring means to you and her that should be so valuable, rather than the stone itself. My husband and I both decided on getting a fake diamond ring for my engagement ring, with our new house he couldn’t afford a real one, so we agreed on something we thought was very nice. If you want to use a fake diamond tell her what it is, or even ask her if she’d really mind, since so much money is going into your future together anyhow.

Yadgyu -

Your choices are not the only ones. There is nothing wimpy about buying a stone other than a diamond. If anything a diamond is an inferior stone. Why? Let’s face it, how rare is a stone that anyone can walk into their local mall and buy? How special is a stone that is owned by the vast majority of women in our country? My two year old has a diamond ring. Diamonds are not rare, not by a long shot. And on top of being spectacularly common, they are usually produced in a manner that costs significant suffering to the humans who mine, cut and polish them. So, let’s see which sounds better:

(1) an extremely common and overpriced gemstone that anyone can purchase without the slightest bit of thought and that has most likely caused suffering to more than a few people

(2) a truly rare and unique stone that the couple works as a team to pick out and that is produced in a manner which supports the community in which it is produced.

No one is saying that materialism is bad. We are just trying to be smart about the material possessions we value. Your assertion that diamonds make girls happy is ludicrous. And your take on the rich is very ill-informed.

I reiterate my previous post to you.

Which option makes the most sense?

A) Be a lying coward and pass off a fake diamond.

B) Be a wimp, tell the truth, and give her a fake diamond or inferior stone.

C) Be a real man, spend the money on a real diamond, and have a good marriage.

Material things give us pleasure. A diamond ring gives a woman pleasure. If she is happy, she will make her man happy. If she is unhappy, the man will look like a fool and will lose her.

It is about time that Americans stop aiming to be middle class stooges. Why do people borrow money for college, borrow money for a house, borrow money for a car, borrow money through credit cards, and get mad at those who are richer than them? Americans would rather borrow and be middle class than focus on getting rich. Americans would rather be in debt instead of saying “I don’t want to be like my mom and dad. I want to have an abundance of money and have freedom from the rat race.”

How is buying a real diamond a sign of materialism? Why is materialism a bad thing? Why do the poor and middle class envy the rich?

If you are ready to propose to a woman ,then you have likely already casually talked about marriage and potentially what kind of ring she would like. If so, then you should already know the answer to your question. I have made it very clear with my boyfriend that I do not want a diamond ring, instead I would rather have an aquamarine, which can vary in price depending on quality. You will be suprised at how many women actually prefer non-diamond rings. Princess Diana had a sapphire engagement ring.

When my husband and I got engaged, I didn’t want him to spend too much on the rings, so I found us something I liked within the price range on ebay for an awesome deal. Almost 2 years later, I am pregnant with our first child and I decided that the diamond rings were not that important, I’d rather have money in our savings since both our jobs don’t offer maternity leave benefits. I sold my enagement ring & wedding band set for almost twice the amount he paid, and bought myself a moissanite set, a 3 carat solitaire and a channel set wedding band for a very good price and stashed the left over in savings. So I guess my point is that diamonds are not everything, and she might even enjoy a different stone more. There are so many other alternatives, but the main thing is to communicate with her and to TELL HER THE TRUTH. There’s moissanite (www.bellajewelryco.com is an AWESOME company), and there are Asha diamonds (www.betterthandiamonds.com). Those are the 2 companies I considered when I decided that I didn’t care about diamonds, and that what I have with my husband and what we will have with our baby will be so much more than diamonds. Or if you do feel like you need to get her a diamond ring, there’s always ebay. You can get her a 1 carat solitaire (clarity enhanced) for about $1K. And some of those sellers will even allow layaway… so it’s not all hopeless, but I agree with everyone else. Communication with her is key.

That’s horrible. Just tell her the truth about not having enough for a ring because of the house situation. Don’t start your married life with a lie. I would wait for a ring if it meant living in a new home.

First let me say that I was outraged at one of the comments I read (Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX : July 25, 2007 11:31 pm). This person is clearly extremely materialistic and does not know that love is more important than anything you could ever buy someone. This person needs to reconsider his/her priorities. In regards to your question, you should always tell the truth. Honesty is the most important thing in any relationship. If she loves you, she will understand the situation and gladly accept your proposal with or without a ring. Another option, of course, would be, instead of giving her a fake ring, just wait until you can afford a real one. Discuss the situation with her and let her know what options are available; I’m sure she would appreciate that. Good Luck!

Here is my problem…you say “I’m building us a new home…” Does this mean she has absolutely no idea about this house or no say in what decisions are being made in the construction of the home? If you are building the house together with both financial and construction obligations, I would avoid saying “I’M building us a new home…” You are building the home together as a couple. Even if she isn’t contributing a dime, saying “I’m building us a new home…” would make me feel like I have no ownership in our future plans. If you plan to spend the rest of your life with this woman, you better get a clear understanding that what is yours is hers, especially when it comes to a house. Clearly, the house is a better investment for your future as a couple than a big diamond ring, but give her some ownership in that future. Do not lie to her, ask her opinion. We are a lot more savvy than you may think when it comes to engagements and weddings. You can be creative together about making the engagement special. Buy the less expensive ring, but make sure it has meaning. Find a way to incorporate the house. I will be honest…the first thing I ask when someone tells me they just got engaged is to see the ring. Not because it has to be big, but to see her personal style and hear the story of how he asked. Let her gush with a sentimental ring and have a polaroid of the house to whip out as part of the story. We are more excited about the story than the ring.

Yadgyu -

You are an idiot.

Cheating her out of a real diamond is worse than having an affair!

No woman wants a fake diamond ring. You had better start working overtime, get some credit from a jewelry store, or build a cheaper home for you two. How is an extra $2,000 for a good ring really going to stop you from building a house? I do not see the rush to build a dream home if that means giving the woman you love an artificial symbol of your true love. People may say one thing but they do not like artificial diamonds or other stones as much as real diamonds.

You have to be a man here and sacrifice for your wife-to-be. A house is good but investing all of your money in your house is foolish. That house could be foreclosed on, it could burn down, it could depreciate in value, or even worse, your fiancee may not even like it!

Don’t let the dream of a house ruin your engagement. You can get the big house later. She expects that. But not getting the big ring means that you are a loser. Those men who gave inferior rings felt awful about it. Those women who received them smiled on the outside but felt angry and cheated on the inside.

Tell Stacey the truth - seriously … if she loves you, which I’d well imagine she does, then surely she would u/stand!

Megan
http://thebigbrowncouch.wordpress.com/

Tell her and get her ideas. I acutally had a certain type of ring in mind, one that would not get caught on everthing. The setting had to be low, and well set into the ring, and not too big. Yes that is right, I turned down my now husbands offer to change the stone to a larger one.

Since then, for birthdays, holidays and such, he has bought me created stones. Like the 10 carat emerald tennis braclet, and such. They are affordable!! She may like an emerald or saphire instead. Personnally, I like the colored stones, and they make wonderful lab created colored or white saphires, there are lab created rubies and emeralds too. And emeralds are associated with Venus if you go back into myth and lore. And a blue saphire could be her “something blue” at your wedding.

If you go this route, don’t tell her the white saphires are diamonds, and if you buy lab created, be up front about that too. If you lie, or decieved her however, it says a lot about you, and should the truth come out, there could be serious repurcussions. She’ll be thinking, “if you lied or decieved about my wedding ring, what other falsehoods are there, like maybe our vows?”

I love my created stones, my emeralds, rubies and saphires. It is the only way I can such peieces. Natural ones and good diamonds would be very expensive. The money we saved (not just on these items) eventually became our down payment on our house. We decided on a common set of fiscal goals early on in our marriage. Setting up a common set of goals and talking are far more important than anything to a marriage.

After reading many of these comments, I must contribute:
1. A good emerald costs as much as a diamond, so ignore that guy.
2. CZs scratch and dull over time. They are cheap, and there’s a reason. At least $375 of that lady’s $425 1ct CZ ring is the mounting! So ignore her.
3. Tell the girlfriend you want to get her moisanite. It will not dull and sparkles more than a diamond. A 1/2ct (in a 14k mounting) might run you $500-$600. If later you both decide to get a diamond, have the moisanite set in a pendant for her to continue to wear.

Look, I have been married for 16 years, and I had a ring, and then we fell on tough times I had to hock my ring to help out. It’s not the ring, it is the symbol behind it. It’s nice to have a ring but a good marriage will outlast any ring.
If you want to get a ring, get a moissonite, but tell her. If she gets upset,then she is not the one for you.

You must tell the truth, no question about it.

Best thing to do is to be honest with her. Option One is to buy her a very pretty CZ in a believable size, tell her that it’s a “for now” ring…the ring is a symbol of your intentions and when you get the dream house built, you will pick out the “real” ring together. Whether she chooses to publicize the fact that it’s not a “diamond” is her choice.

The other option is to select a pretty ring you can afford, maybe in your birthstone or hers, again, the ring is the SYMBOL of the intention to marry.

Unless she is shallow or her priorities are screwed up, she will value your honesty. Engagement is not about how much money you spend on the ring. It’s about a commitment to spend the rest of your life together.
A house is way more valuable than a ring. There is time to get the ring.

Really want to show her you’re committed to your relationship together? Put the title to the home in her name as well as yours from the get go. (Rather than wait until after you marry).

I knew someone who got married 10 years ago. The couple bought a home together prior to the wedding, but the title was only in HIS name. He told her his intention was to add her to the title after they married, to avoid having to go through probate to change her name to his last name after the marriage. Well, guess what? He never bothered to add her. To this day, 10 years later, she lives in HIS house, not THEIRS. If he dies, if he decides to leave her, she is up the creek.

A house trumps a diamond, anyday. And TRUST trumps them all!

I just got my wife of 17 years a ‘larger’ ring 1ct - but it was Diamond Essence and had it set in a high quality gold band. She loves it and one, we don’t have to worry about a 5K stone falling out, insurance, etc. Two, we kept the original ring I gave her, now safe and sound for maybe an heirloom for the kids. You can’t tell any difference, CZ has actually got more ‘fire’ or sparkle, so they actually have to tone them down! Ha! The diamond thing is a racket, I paid $1400 seventeen years ago for a 1/2 carat with an inclusion in it and now got a full carat flawless CZ with an awesome setting for $$425 total!

A woman only cares about the wedding ring maybe for showing to some friends around the engagement/wedding time, after that, other priorities come up. Women really like a ‘nest’ or home, especially if you are thinking of children.

Do the right thing as the article said, tell her the truth, I can understand you might feel cheap or embarassed, but if she is a good person, it won’t matter to her - if it does matter a lot to her, I think it is a bad sign.

Great idea, although you should be moving into a duplex or something less expensive in the early years, don’t underestimate the future costs of kids and furniture.

When my husband proposed to me, we had just gotten a house that required major renovations. It had been a rental with water damage, termites, etc. BUt southern California real estate market was hard to afford anything and we couldn’t pass this opportunity up. He was set on buying me a diamond like his friends had their wives. I personally didn’t want a diamond and we had lots of discussions about this. He ended up buy me a amethyst (my birth stone) ring that cost about $500-$600. I still wear this ring. For our upcoming fifth aniversary, he is having the jeweler who deszigned our rings design a new one for me (one he had wanted to get me). This one won’t have a diamond either, he had me pick the stone and I will be getting a gorgeous sapphire. Our house is beautiful, everyone is amazed at the way it turned out and we did that together. As a side note,out of all the friends he was comparing himself to, everyone one else is either divorced or still renting. We have a very solid foundation for the rest of our lives.

I agree with Scott as well! Tell her the truth.

I was in college when I proposed to my wife. My ring was 1/8 carat on sale for $100. I didn’t even have the ring when I proposed and my bank account balance was approx $105. Soon thereafter, we went to the jewelry store and picked the ring. We traded it in for matching wedding bands before we got married.

The point is, guys are typically more hung-up on the ring than the women. A good woman is more concerned about the integrity of the man she marries than the shiny rock. Don’t lie to her, you’ll regret it for a long time. She will most likely understand how much you want to care for your family.

Maybe you should purchase her a hanging plant to symbolize your love for her. Over time, the plant will droop just like she will. When the plant is dead, divorce her.

I agree with Scott. My boyfriend and I are discussing marriage and I have flat out told him I don’t need a diamond ring - now granted, I am divorced so have done the whole ring thing once - but we are also discussing building a house, and I told him I would much rather have that money spent on the house than on a diamond.

He is afraid of looking like a cheapskate or just a ‘bad guy’ for not buying the diamond like you’re ’supposed to,’ but I told him I won’t think any less of him. Besides they didn’t buy engagement rings 100 years ago, what’s the big deal? I don’t need to impress anyone, and hopefully Stacey is the same type of girl and will appreciate the honesty!

I would do as you suggest. Don’t say a word to her about it. The statistical odds of her actually catching you are very small, but the reward of her believing at some point she got to have her cake and eat it too is far too appealing. This love and honesty stuff is the safe way, life is full of risks and you’ll never get ahead if you don’t take some on the way.

Diamonds are overated. Why should it be assumed you love someone more because you buy a piece of crystalline carbon?
Tell Stacy up front what you want to do, so that she is not embarassed later. You might be surprised and she might just want to wait. or maybe she’ll want to get a really big cubic zirconia or an emerald (more affordable — my sister has an emerald engagement ring).
As far as telling the truth to your spouse all the time, most marriages of long standing move away from this ideal, blissful state, but it is really bad news to be caught in an outright lie to your spouse.

The mere fact that you are asking this question wreaks of weakness. Look, before your marriage comes to an end (which, due to divorce, happens about half the time) you will have told your wife many white lies, half-truths, exaggerations, etc. Why not get the ball rolling right away?
Tell her it’s a diamond. She’ll probably never know the difference. If she does find out, it will be easy enough to explain away. If you do pull it off, you’ll probably reconsider anyway, since building the house will undoubtedly have numerous cost overruns and you’ll probably still be short of cash.
Instead of buying an expensive diamond, get a CZ and invest the difference in something that you’re sure to get a solid return on like beer or lottery tickets.

Oh–or better still, get a silver ring that looks as if it was made from a nail (to represent the house you are building), set with CZ, and tell her that it’s just a placeholder until you find the money and she finds the ring she loves.

Something else most women love is when men have clearly put a lot of thought and effort into something, even if the results seem a little doofus.

I’d suggest a compromise: You and your girlfriend should go to a custom jeweler and choose a setting she loves. Have the ring made (with her knowledge) with CZ (or multiple CZ’s) for now. Then, as you get ahead, replace the center stone and any other stones over time.

That way her ring won’t drastically alter over the years–only the value will. You should be able to get a very attractive setting at a reasonable price–I had my great-aunt’s diamond reset in a more attractive setting for about $300 including labor and setting.

CZ or diamond, your fiancee will probably be happier with a ring she LIKES than the biggest diamond set in what she considers an ugly setting. At one point, I sported a large tiffany-set engagement ring I didn’t like and didn’t feel comfortable wearing. It had belonged to his mother. We ended up fighting so much over that ring that it contributed to our breakup.

It doesn’t seem like it would be important, but remember that she could be sporting a ring she loves from the man she loves for the rest of her life.

Isn’t anyone going to raise the blood diamond issue? If you buy a diamond, there’s a good chance, and it is hard to know for sure, that your money is going to be used for immoral purposes. Cubic Zirconia looks better than all but investment grade diamonds anyway. Yes, talk it over. It won’t be a complete surprise but trust me, she already knows that this is the next step in the relationship.

Further, the wedding industry and the young people who buy in to such terrible waste ought to reverse their priorities. That is, make a good marriage, not an expensive wedding. That’s the hard work, of learning how to live lovingly with your spouse through the years.

Are we all really that shallow?

You haven’t even married her yet and you’re already thinking of one pretty serious lie to tell her. Makes me wonder what other big lies are next or have already been told.

Many years ago my girlfriend and I discussed marriage. I went out and bought a ring, and shortly thereafter she broke up with me (before I proposed).

Later, when my now-wife and were getting serious and she told me what kind of ring she liked, it matched that ring I still had. I told her the story and showed her the ring and she liked it, so that’s the one she’s been happily wearing for many years now.

A long-winded way of saying you should tell her.

It is unfortunate that we listen to the Debeers ads and think that the cost of a ring needs to be financially debilitating. People should see diamonds as representing support of horrible wars in Africa or the incredible greed of diamond monopolists. Spend your money on a house and represent your wedding with a less expensive ring.

Get the diamond through a wholesaler, like the NY Diamond Exchange. If you get a loose stone and then get a local jeweler to make a ring for it, you’ll save at least 50% off even what big bulk website will charge for a comparable ring.

And I agree with folks about how diamonds are overpriced (DeBeers in fact studiously avoids touching US soil because then the US might get jurisdiction to break up its huge monopoly - all the major buyers actually have to leave the country to meet with DeBeers). But unfortunately much of the world is populated with incredibly superficial people. You and your future spouse may be perfectly fine with a small and/or non-diamond stone, but be prepared to explain that choice to roomful after roomful of disappointed faces. I spent under $5000 on a flawless 1.5 carat diamond and a custom ring and it was among the best money I ever spent - not because I proved something to my wife or felt I needed to, but because I love her enough to appreciate seeing her shine in front of others. It’s the same reason I like seeing her or the kids leave the house in nice clothes instead of burlap sacks - even if they’re ok with it, much of society isn’t.

Stacey…I’ll buy you the real deal…

I definitely think a house is more important than a fancy ring. You might also consider getting her a nice ring with a non-diamond in it, or a ring with a wrap of smaller stones with a small solitaire in it..then the solitaire can be upgraded later on.

I’m not so sure if you are marrying the right person. I’m assuming by the fact that you are engaged, you’ve known this woman for some time now, and you know her well enough to know that she wants a ring NOW. If she isn’t aware that you could be financially strained at this time, and has not mentioned to you that the ring can wait, then you maybe you should rethink your choice for a partner. Partners are aware of each other’s needs. You may be the only partner in that partnership.

It’s all about INTEGRITY

That is the woman you’re gonna live with for the rest of your life, do you really wanna start the journey off by ignoring the one of the most important virtues in a relationship?

Anyway, since you both are getting married, shouldn’t she be aware of your financial condition by now?

Do not attempt to lie to her…You will regret it. =) instead watch the movie knocked up… there is a scene in the movie that I think you could benefit from.

If the house you are building is the future dream house for both of you, I would turn the marriage proposal into something house-related. Instead of giving her a fake diamond ring that totally spoils the moment [if not for her, at least for you, which is bad enough] surprise her with something you know she really wants in the house but is reluctant to insist on - because she knows it is way too expensive. After the Surprise! moment, you can tell her. It is kind of like marriage proposals on full baseball field, or in live broadcast.

I am getting married in May and do not have a ring because he can’t afford it right now. He just graduated from law school 2 months ago. People are really bothered by it too! It just cracks me up. I keep telling him he can make it up to me in 20 years. If a woman cares about the ring, don’t marry her. You are doing the right thing by telling her.

Well if she really loves you then she will understand that money is tight, so explain the situation and if there is enough time between now and the wedding date you can allways get her a real diamond ring later.

Stacy is a guys name.

Are you kidding? You must be. Surely you don’t really think this way. Your fiancee would lose confidence in you if you lie to her by giving her a big fake ring. Be straight always.

Don’t let the diamond ads lead you on, man — they describe people in the worst ways, like women are nothing but raccoons hypnotized into obedience by shiny objects, and like men are all rich but just don’t get that they need to be spending all their money on rocks.

If she loves you, she won’t care if you give her a ring from a Cracker Jack box, and that ring will always be special even if you replace or upgrade it later. Get something pretty that’s in your budget and don’t worry about it.

You’ve got to tell her man. If she loves you and already understands the finances, she’ll understand. If not, then maybe she’s not the right one anyways.

Picture this…bubbly, happy, full of promise for the future, she takes her brand new diamond engagement ring to be appraised–only to find out that her future husband started the things off by lying to her about the very symbol of his love and affection for her.

Not good bro…bite the bullet and trust your girl.

No freaking way. Girls are intelligent, they will find out, trust me.

Wrong to start a marriage with a lie. I initially received a “promise” ring that was a CZ & to this day many years later it is still my most precious piece of jewelry

Always tell the truth, because a lie will come back to haunt you (in more ways than one). Be honets. My mate picked out my engagment/wedding band, and I was happy with what he picked, he knew me and my tastes. He wanted a classic gold band, and I picked out a great one. I would agree with one of the others, that hold off if you cannot afford one now,the house is great though, you fiance has you which is better than a ring-if she truly loves you, she will understand the situation. Make sure you get an anniversary ring, by then you can afford something truly nicer.
Congratulations to you both.

Diamond engagement rings were made popular by DeBeers in the 1940’s - prior to their blanket marketing scheme, people bought engagement rings featuring all kinds of stones. My engagement ring has a gorgeous emerald green Tsavorite garnet and white sapphires. I’d look at alternative stones as they can be very beautiful and unique. Whatever you do, don’t lie to your GF.

dude, Tiffany takes credit cards

A fake engagement ring? Sure, if you don’t mind her faking orgasms.

Being a woman, i must tell you, a house is a great thing to have in life. Our priorities in life depict our future indirectly, and any mature individual can understand that. Go for it and tell her the truth…

I would check out http://www.since1910.com - they provide a great RANGE of GIA certified diamonds. They allow you to feel comfortable purchasing whatever size stone you like. I bought my wife a .75 carat stone from Since1910.com and she loved it. They were great.

Moisanite, dude.

I guess telling her what you are planned to do is the best idea. You’ll never know how she will react…If you explain why you bought a look-a-like, love will stay as big as it was!

The problem is this guy doesn’t want to spend money. He is cheap. If he can build the house, why can’t afford a ring? Love is lifetime relationship, more expensive ring for what? This guy is not ready. She loves him for what he is, not his silly ring.

This is the woman that you are going to marry. You are going to promise to love her and honour her. But yet you are considering deceiving her before you even walk down the isle. If she loves you then she will understand. Better tell her now as the truth always comes out and you dont want to break her heart before your even a year into yur marriage

Yea, I think the best thing to do is tell her the truth =)

Synthetic Diamonds are not fake, just synthetic. Only De Beers wants you to believe otherwise.

http://www.betterthandiamond.com

I suggested this to my then fiance (now husband) and he was initially horrified and then relieved.

BTW I don’t wear it now b/c I have a toddler and he’s a little too interested in shiny things and I’m afraid I’ll scratch him by accident!

I agree. Don’t lie. I bet the two of you can find a fake that looks real for a good price. Take a look at Mosanite. I now have a nice diamond rock that we upgraded from a very small cloudy diamond after ten years as we were poor in the beginning of our relationship. If I had to do it over again, I would get the Mosanite and save the $$$. My sister has mosanite and everyone thinks its real. They key is to not go too big with a fake. Say 1 carat for the center. Have her help pick it out and spend enough to get one that doesn’t have a super cheap band that the finish flakes off. I would think around $500 or less. Then when money allows you can replace it with the real thing if you want. Like I said though you guys might not want to..plus look into the diamond industry…all those diamonds aren’t came about in the most ethical way.

Do Not Marry

Make sure it’s a conflict free diamond.

I have to agree with that last comment. “Dude, if you’re even thinking about lying to girlfriend about this, you are going to make a terrible husband. Do her a bigger favor. Don’t propose.”

One suggestion is find a design you like that is amazing. btw: If you don’t know what she likes your also in trouble
Buy it with a good fake stone (do some research

tell her the truth

ask her to work with you after you’ve finished the house to buy the real deal

if you follow this pattern you will build a shared understanding and wealth together - from the beginning

Or

find a time to have a nice dinner and say honey I love you with all my heart and I want to marry you…”

and talk to her about the options and make a decision together.

If you follow this pattern you will help each other based on your shared understanding to create the life that you both love living together.

Don’t lie because there is no need…

TELL HER!!! A marriage is a partnership, you’ll share the bills, the good times & the bad. You can plan together & save for that special ring down the track. Size & price don’t matter anyway, it’s the sentiment behind it.

I know it might turn out to be real blow to her to find out that her ring is a fake but I think that if she loves you, she will understand your situation. Not only that, she would love you for your honesty.

Financiall priorities are a must and she will share in this and benefit from your sense of responsibility. Synthetic diamonds can be beautiful and I am sure that she will love and respect you for your choices - just be truthful.

Tell her what’s going on. Better no ring than a fake ring and a lie! I see nothing wrong with waiting until you can afford it, or if she’s so desperate, she can pay for it herself and you can pay her back.

definitely tell her the truth. let her know times are tough, and when you can you’ll get her the real thing. if she refuses to marry you because you don’t have enough moey to get her a real diamond, then you may want to question how much she loves you.

LOL(Laughing Out Load)! That was quite interesting! Lots of advice for this gentleman… Also shows what type of people that read this blog. Personally, the last time I was engaged… the man I was with sat me down on his lap and went thru engagement rings on the net- stating that he ‘just wanted my opinion on a ring to help out a friend we both knew pick a ring for his fiancee to be…’ and of course I had no problem with it. We both expressed our opinions on many rings and styles and what we would think is best for her and affordable for him. (We were looking at a JCPenny website) And came across a solitaire diamond ring in white gold for exactly $100.00 plus shipping and handling. (This would be a good way to get her what she wants in a ring.)It wasn’t a big gaudy 1 carat ring (I am not materialistic- and to me 1 carats are too big and you will always have to be careful not to lose it and the diamond falling out- even with insurance you still worry) but it was big enough to impress. And the best symbol to express your love and devotion. The way I see it you should ask yourself this- ‘Am I treating her the way I would like her to treat me in this relationship?’ Do not ever sacrifice your ‘integrity’. There are way too many people in this world who do not posses this trait… which saddens me. Always practice ‘respect’ for yourself and other’s. Our society is suffering greatly! Do not add on to it… After you ask this question to yourself you will have the answer and will not have to rely on blogging stranger’s for advice. (i.e. look inside your heart you already have the answer)

Be free and live well! And remember- “It’s all GoOD!” {GOD} (We were all born into a World where every thing is ment to be ‘broken’ in order to learn and grow from the experience…

As a woman, I can tell you this:
1) She is going to marry you, not the ring!
2) If you are getting married, then y ou should be able to be honest with each other, and she should be able to understand your mutual financial situation.
3) Discuss this with her - if you can’t afford to pay cash for the ring maybe you can do it on credit. Otherwise do like my husband and I did, do without the engagement ring and make up for it at the wedding by buying a matching set of diamond filled wedding bands.

The fact that you even thought this proves that you will be horrible in marriage. In fact, no guys should get married, run for the hills now. Did you hear me? RUN FOR THE HILLS NOW!!! INCOMING!!!

What drives me nuts are the newly engaged women who decide to upgrade their rings?
It’s telling the guy that they don’t appreciate the gesture. I’ve told my sons that if someone does that they should run for the hills…

Get a moisanite. It looks like a diamond, tests like a diamond and won’t scratch and get cloudy like a CZ. It’s a fake with class!

You want to start off something as serious as marriage with a lie? If she loves you she will accept the truth. Hugs and lots of prayers!!

she shouldnt be so bothered if she reali loves you. just be upfront with her n i’m sure she’ll understand the situation =)

Have you considered something other than a diamond. For one, diamonds are not all that rare and they are stunningly overpriced. Also, conflict diamonds fund wars in some horrible places and as much as people want to believe that the Kimberly process keeps them out of the market, it just is not well enforced.

There are great beautiful alternatives. How about a colored stone surrounded by white sapphires? Or a different white stone? There are so many options.

There are jewelers who deal in non-conflict diamonds (from Canada), but you should also take a look at their other stones.

Check of yalisma.com. They do sell diamonds if you just have to get one, but their diamonds are mined and polished in Canada. And really do think about other stone options, you can create something unique and special.

Wedding band…great idea
I think if she wants to show something off, have her friends come by her new house. That whole industry has made men feel so inadequate and women feel entitled. Don’t mislead her, you are what you are and she is what she is. Here is where you find out quickly what she is.

I’m currently the “she” in a similar situation, where…we’d like to move the relationship along, but we are putting money towards other things at the moment. In my situation he’s the one hung up on the diamond solitaire…let me just say…if she loves you and wants to be with you, waiting for the “real deal” won’t matter. The good word is that, while you definitely should tell her, its easy to keep it just between the two of you, since 9 times out of 10, friends and family don’t inspect the sparkle with a jewelers magnifying glass! Propose on!

Just wanted to give a big “thanks” to all the nice guys out there who just want to make their significant others happy. It’s nice to read how many people have agonized over this decision. I always kind of assumed guys didn’t think too much about it - so wrong. You’re all so sweet (well, most of you..anonymous above me here is kind of a jackass)

Just remember…careful what you wish for with the cheaper ring. That is to say, maybe consider something that YOU would be ok with her keeping for the next thirty years. I’m a sentimental type myself, and honestly, if the guy proposed with a piece of tin foil, I’d probably wear it until it crumpled, just because I’d want to keep the original thing.

If she’s cool with it, I think it sounds like a similar stone or a gemstone would be your best option.

You sound like a great guy. Don’t listen to the crabby hacks who left you mean comments! I’m sure you’ll be a great husband because you’re already putting her first

Best wishes.

Perhaps you should not focus so much on the house. It seems that so many people put way too much focus on houses these days….my advice, ditch the house and buy the ring…she will cherish it forever.

Hey y’all

Im living in Brooklyn right now and you just got to hear this story i read today in the Brooklyn Paper, i say after reading your article that this one should be called, “She’s Gotta Have It” but I didn’t write it, check out who did!

The ‘Bride of Fourth Street’: Sleeping beauty has block abuzz
By Beethoven Bong
for The Brooklyn Paper

Fourth Street was abuzz on Sunday when neighbors awoke to find a woman — in full wedding attire — apparently asleep on a ledge above the door of a Park Slope brownstone.

Police quickly arrived, but no one knew what to make of the mysterious woman or even how she could have gotten up on the ledge without assistance. (See photos, right.)

“They asked me if I knew or recognized her or had any idea why she was there,” said Tom Santisi. “I didn’t know what was going on.”

Cops carried the woman down from the ledge, and questioned her in Spanish and English. But witnesses said she gave no response.

“Maybe she’s a fallen angel,” one cop said.

STORY URL: http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/30/28/30_28mysterybride.html

MY URL: http://ThunkDifferent.com

First of all, don’t lie. Second, find out what she actually wants. Both re ring AND the house. We girls (more often than not) loove to have our say when it’s about our future home. Show her you are in this (planning, finances, etc.) together and you consider her your partner, right from the start.
Third, if it turns out “the diamonds are girl’s best friends”, think again… Fourth, make your proposal an obvious gesture of love, and fit the ring element into it. Make it a symbolic (how ’bout a ring related to the keychain of the house you are building?) reminder of your love, something she would cherish in her heart, first and foremost, regardless of whether it is presentable before others or not, and say so, and let her know you will happily add a real ring as well (again, does it have to have a gigantic stone?), once the other important elements of your future life are set as you explained in your question.

I think it’s great to take care of the important things first, such as your new home. I would tell her your plans first, be upfront and honest. I am a woman and I would be fine with getting a synthetic diamond and a new home! Just be honest and she will appreciate you telling her the truth. Tell her that you will replace the ring, and that will give her something else to look forward to, along with the new house!!

You are building her a house, why does she need a big diamond ring too? I would talk to her and maybe do wedding bands and a diamond later down the road. Does she love you or the diamond ring after all.

Why not propose with the wedding band and give her her diamond at the wedding!? We did something along those lines and it worked out fabulously - a good wedding band can be less than $500 easily.

Does the ring have to be a “diamond” ring?

I would think you could find a fabulous ring (setting) and have it set with a semi-precious stone. There are so many choices and beautiful colors of “rocks” you could dazzle her with. Emeralds, sapphires, rubies and more…

Find the right “setting” and then someday, whenever, if you want, remove the original stone and put in a diamond. But, I will tell you, if she is sentimental, she won’t want you to change her ring. She will just love it because it came from the heart.

Agree with Angel Ars’ comment. Lieing would be one thing…but the mere fact that you entertained this is a red flag.

Give the girl something from your heart. I cherish the “homemade” things my husband gives me more than expensive items. When I know he put thought and emotion into a decision about me; that is what I consider love. Usually it is accompanied by a great story that I can pass on to my family and friends. Think about HER, not the stuff.

you can tell her the ring is fake or buy a smaller one — a plastic ring would do as long as you show her you did it with love.

Some women don’t like di